Monday, May 5, 2014

This is a problem.

Here's something I've been learning at college... I get frustrated by anything I consider to be weakness.

If someone is fragile, shy, insecure, or not totally emotionally healthy, it can spark this fire in me.  And not the nice, spiritual, righteous sort of fire that's the kind we want.  More like the kind that's mean and unfair... like a grease fire.  I mean, anything that ruins a pan full of bacon is just plain cruel.  But I digress.

Why do I get all peeved when someone is too shy to assert themselves?  Or when they aren't able to be open and honest about something that's hurting them?  Why does this tick me off so much?  Where is my Jesus-given compassion?

Maybe it's because I am insecure.  The things that I have to work so hard on to overcome... when they show up in someone else I get all agro.

And I think this happens with everyone.  Because when I am feeling sad or insecure, sometimes people don't seem to notice or try to do anything about it.  It is a lot of work to draw someone out of their shell and it's kind of uncomfortable and awkward for the drawer-outer.  Maybe they feel the same way I feel in their position: "just get it together!  Why do I have to do all this work to make you feel good?".

I believe this is why people like outgoing, seemingly confident friends.  I know I do.  I like to hang out with people who already seem to love themselves and don't need me to.  And when people like themselves, they unconsciously give me permission to love myself too (that may be a partially plagiarized quote from somewhere, but not sure where).

This is the exact and utter opposite of Jesus.  I need His compassion and unconditional love.  Because the only way to break this yucky cycle is to go against the natural way of things and love people when it's hard and when they need it most.  Goodness knows I need people to do that for me.


If you made it to the end of this little post, you are a stud.  You deserve a Butterfinger bar.

(With imperfect) love,
Eliza


3 comments:

  1. <3ed this!
    And also <3 you. And your honesty.
    This was really good!
    But can I have something else? I don't like Butterfingers! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How about a big plate of Dutch letters? :)

      Delete
  2. I loved this too and I love Butterfingers so can I have Kara's? ;-)

    ReplyDelete